“It’s crazy if you think about it. The God of the universe- the creator of nitrogen and pine needles, galaxies and e-minor – loves us with a radical, unconditional, self-sacrificing love. And what is our typical response? We go to church, sing songs, and try not to cuss.” -Francis Chan
Last weekend, my Mr. and I left the kiddos with grandmas and hopped a plane ride (or two) to visit a job opportunity in Oklahoma City.
I was very nervous about the trip for various reasons. I left my baby for the first time, I hate flying, and I have serious social anxiety issues, but of all the fears, my number one fear was that I would hate it. Attempting to be a supportive wife, I didn’t share this with my husband. Up to this point, I loved the idea of Matthew working at the church as well as moving and starting a new little life with our growing family. The thought of all this excitement crashing down was overwhelming. I decided that prayer was the obvious way to handle the fear, so I just prayed for direction and a clear vision to be laid before us.
God gives us the desires of our hearts right?
Throughout the trip, I kept looking for something that I hated. Nothing. I kept waiting for the bomb to drop. Nothing. I even expected that they wouldn’t have simple things I love like good coffee, sweet tea, monograms, and bows. Had it all. It was everything I wanted and nothing that I expected. Suddenly, my fear of hating it, turned into my fear of loving it. What if this was what God wanted for our family? What if my kids grew up in Oklahoma instead of the south I’d always sworn I’d never leave? What if my husband actually did work here?
I was terrified. I had no idea how to feel. I felt like Ron Burgundy in the glass case of emotion. I was so happy for this opportunity for Matthew to grow and learn, but I was really scared that I wasn’t ready. Then, Sunday afternoon, I had a revelation.
I am small.
So often we hear the sermon that God knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows every thought completely before a word is on our lips. And he does. But, God is big. God is so big. I know that is a basic concept, but just like the quote…. it’s crazy, if you think about it.
On Sunday, God opened my eyes entirely. All I could see prior to that point was me. Me. Matthew. The kids. Our family. God allowed me to see everything from a different point of view. All of a sudden, I was aware. I got it. It clicked.
God didn’t bring us to Oklahoma to open more job opportunities for Matthew. He didn’t bring us there so that we could grow our family in tornado-ville. He didn’t bring us there so that we could go to an awesome church. He did it so that Matthew could use a God given talent to further God’s kingdom.
By Monday interviews, I was ready to move. I was ready to run full force. As our pastor often says, I was ready to storm the gates of hell with a water pistol! I was on fire! I knew this was exactly what God wanted for our family and for his kingdom and I can’t wait to see it unfold.
That is love. That is so much love that I get giddy when I think about it. God brought us there to bring people to him… and we are way to small to mess that up.
So, that’s our big announcement.
We are MOVING!
Matthew was offered the job on Monday and accepted the offer on Wednesday. We will be moving in June. Though I am so sad to say goodbye to family and friends that love us and have spoiled us in the past few years, I am so excited to serve and grow in Oklahoma… but most of all, I am thrilled for my husband. An opportunity to do what you love for who you love. It’s perfect.
How does Carter feel about the move? Ecstatic! His thoughts were: Can I have a dog? Does Chandler get to come with us? What does Thunder Up mean? and Do I still get a birthday?
In that order.